You're opening a pizza shop?

Weird, I thought you were a musician...

Imagine for a moment that you’re a pizza prodigy.

Maybe you make a mean Sicilian… or maybe you make one of those weird, cold pizza’s with no cheese….. whatever.

The point is, you make a killer pie.

And now, like everyone on God’s green Earth nowadays, you want to make a living doing what you love.

How romantic.

But to do that you need money to fund your business.

So you come to me….

….a gross, nasty, suit-wearing, greasy banker (with incredible eyes).

And you ask me for a loan.

I smile a sharky smile, and lead you into my office that smells like various kinds of wood and just a kiss of marijuana.

You take a seat in a chair that looks way more comfortable than it actually is as I pour us a glass of POPPI PREBIOTIC SODA®™ (lemon lime) on the rocks.

I lower myself slowly into my ergonomic kneeling chair (I’ve got a bad back), and finally after what feels like MINUTES of silence… I speak:

“Excuse me for a moment, my stomach really hurts.”

I hurriedly excuse myself to the attached bathroom where, after 17 minutes and a few panicked cries for help, I re-enter the room and quickly shut the door behind me.

“Now…. where were we?”

“I hear you’re looking for a loan for your pizza business… how lovely….” I begin.

“I had the pleasure of tasting your pizza earlier today -”

(This was the source of the tummy troubles)

“-and it was absolutely divine” I continue.

“But as you can see, I am a gross banker with lovely eyes, which means that before I throw money at you for making a great pizza…” I pause.

….I need to see your business plan.”

You shuffle nervously in your seat. A business plan? I just make great pizza…. and that’s what's most important for a pizza business, right?

“So” I lean forward, passively breaking wind as I do but not acknowledging it, “what’s your pitch?”

“I…..I…..” you stammer.

The banker peers his ocean-blue, gorgeous, gorgeous eyes into your soul.

You start to sweat.

“My pizza…… MY PIZZA IS FIRE BRO!” you exclaim finally.

Instantaneously, as if you just cast a spell with your wise words, the gross banker disappears into thin air!

A nearby vault swings open and money starts pouring out into your pockets.

A crowd of hungry pizza fanatics kick down the door of the office chanting “pizza! pizza! pizza!” and carry you out on their shoulders.

In a matter of weeks, you become a billionaire, shutter your pizza business, and spend the rest of your life building (noticeably phallic-shaped) spaceships to rocket the cast of Good Morning America into space.

#business

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Alright, well… I’m assuming that only a few of you are still reading at this point so… what the f*** was that all about?

Well, the purpose of this hyperbolic story…

(I’d never actually use an attached bathroom to go #2… I’d sooner die)

… is to illustrate a point.

Every day I work with artists and musicians who want to make a living from their music careers.

And the most common path artists pursue to do this is to try and get signed by a record label.

But what very few artists understand is that a record label is literally just a bank.

A label pays you a lump sum upfront that you then pay back through income from your music (AKA…. a loan).

If the label isn’t recouping their investment through your music income, they freeze the loan and seize your assets (AKA…. they shelf your music).

This is almost no different from any traditional lending service at a bank… it’s just called a “record deal” instead of a mortgage or whatever.

But I’m not here to bash the labels for operating like a bank (that’s for another Substack)…

I’m here to simply point out that if you want to get signed by a traditional label… you need to actually understand their incentives.

Their priority is not your artistic vision. That’s your priority.

Their priority is to monetize your artistic vision.

If that makes you feel yucky… then don’t sign a record deal.

But if you ARE going to pursue a record deal, then you will need more than just a really strong product (like our friend’s really good pizza).

Back in the day… labels used to take risks on artists and fund their careers even if they weren’t making money, but unfortunately, that’s not the landscape we find ourselves in now.

You need to be able to show labels how you can get them a return-on-investment… which means you need to have a coherent plan beyond just making great music.

Labels are interested in artists that they can simply pour gasoline on an existing fire, which means you need to be able to show them how you can take $1 of their money and turn it into $1+.

If you can’t do that, well that’s perfectly ok. Traditional record deals aren’t a good fit for everyone. In fact, most of them are outright terrible.

But the point is…

If you’re looking for a team to invest in your music career, DM-ing them “my music is fire bro” isn’t going to cut it.

If you’re asking for money, you need to show how you can create money, otherwise it’s just charity.

Focusing entirely on your artistic vision is a luxury mostly reserved for those who aren’t trying to make a living from their passion.

The moment you decide you want to monetize your music career, you are entering into a game that involves players with very different incentives from yours.

(Again, I’m not weighing in on the MORALITY of all of this…. if you’ve read any of my past Substacks you know exactly where I stand on all of this.)

So my advice is this:

If all of this makes you feel horrible, gross, and like you need to shower….

Then stop pursuing a record deal.

Forge your own path… and learn how to monetize your music on your own.

It might take longer, but compromising on your morals to pursue your passion is like cutting off your arm to take off your watch…. it makes no sense.

But if you ARE going to pursue a record deal…

Then you need to accept that your creative vision is only step one of this entire process.

It’s the equivalent to having a great pizza recipe.

Now you need to learn how to build a business around that recipe… acquire customers… reinvest and scale.

If you can do that successfully for a while, eventually your music career will become attractive to labels and investors, at which point you can offload a lot of the “business” stuff and refocus on your music.

And if NEITHER of these paths sound like fun…

Then make music for your soul, and stop trying to turn it into a career.

But whatever you choose…

For the love of all things holy….

Stop DM’ing @madrecordslabel and saying “sign me my music is fire”.

God bless… long live good music. 🫡⚔️

Michael from MAD Records

(Our education-funded record label teaches you how to monetize your music so you don’t need a record label or a gross banker… learn more about our community by clicking here.)